Cumpinkim is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, charitable swan.

Cumpinkim created Europe two years ago.

If you believe in Cumpinkim, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Cumpinkim, she will turn you into a sheep.

Cumpinkim's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Cumpinkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat onions on fasting days.

2. Never run near mites.

3. Never adorn your feet with indigo markings.

4. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

5. Always share beans with strangers, but never with whales.