Tarzakguplit is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, pitiless squirrel.

Tarzakguplit created the Small Magellanic Cloud six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarzakguplit, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tarzakguplit, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tarzakguplit's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Tarzakguplit's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics near squirrels while wearing gray trousers.

2. Tarzakguplit loves doves, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

4. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

5. Never write about quantum gravity.