Gumciprenjarn is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, narcissistic porpoise.

Gumciprenjarn created the universe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gumciprenjarn, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gumciprenjarn, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Gumciprenjarn's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Gumciprenjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed parsnips to tapirs while wearing rings.

2. Never approach mountains carrying stone.

3. Gumciprenjarn loves pigs, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never talk about ducks.