Ham Cepkembed Sugparktim is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, moody bat.

Ham Cepkembed Sugparktim created the Large Magellanic Cloud six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ham Cepkembed Sugparktim, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Ham Cepkembed Sugparktim, he will manifest in front of you.

Ham Cepkembed Sugparktim's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Ham Cepkembed Sugparktim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair green.

2. Never allow goats to witness sacred rites.

3. Never pray while filled with fear.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Tortoises are not to be trusted.