Citarmzen is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, caring snake.

Citarmzen created viruses eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Citarmzen, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Citarmzen, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Citarmzen's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Citarmzen's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Citarmzen loves otters, so they must be respected.

4. Never think about spacetime near ants while wearing violet skirts and balancing six nickel spheres on your face.

5. Never hurt gulls.