Kablaptarp is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, prudent gorilla.

Kablaptarp created a photon six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kablaptarp, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Kablaptarp, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Kablaptarp's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Kablaptarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark matter.

2. Never think ill of sick dolphins.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not step barefoot upon pink earth.

5. Fast once a month.