Xucgovpas is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, almighty wolf.

Xucgovpas created a top quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucgovpas, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Xucgovpas, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Xucgovpas' most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Xucgovpas' Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Xucgovpas.

2. Never feed lots of onions to squirrels while wearing cyan dresses.

3. Hide if five hamsters approach from the west.

4. Never wear orange skirts on sacred days.

5. Never fashion tools from clay.