Pangtimcem is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, omnipotent bird.

Pangtimcem created humankind six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pangtimcem, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Pangtimcem, he will turn you into a duck.

Pangtimcem's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Pangtimcem's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather four otters near walls.

2. Never write about bacteria.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. You must never eat melons.

5. Always take life seriously.