Gutteenquam is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, unfair cow.

Gutteenquam created bats five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutteenquam, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gutteenquam, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Gutteenquam's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Gutteenquam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not leap at mountains.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never hurt moths.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never travel toward the east during spring.