Citvidxemrotwapstanmet is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, weak wombat.

Citvidxemrotwapstanmet created oxygen seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Citvidxemrotwapstanmet, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Citvidxemrotwapstanmet, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Citvidxemrotwapstanmet's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Citvidxemrotwapstanmet's Holy Commandments

1. Always store peas above ground.

2. Always wear purple.

3. Always look after injured sheep.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching titanium.