Vogvanfen is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, uncaring dolphin.

Vogvanfen created humanity nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vogvanfen, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Vogvanfen, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Vogvanfen's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Vogvanfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ultrasonics near birds while wearing turquoise rings and balancing seven zinc spheres on your legs.

2. Do not record numbers concerning asteroids.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never sprint in holy places.

5. Do not keep six mites in a large pit.