Zanjarngat is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, all-knowing seal.

Zanjarngat created the planet Earth seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zanjarngat, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Zanjarngat, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Zanjarngat's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Zanjarngat's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear black scarves.

2. Do not name children after otters.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Heed all signs.

5. Never think about optics near nematodes while wearing green kilts and balancing four silver spheres on your arms.