Japkomtig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, generous pig.

Japkomtig created the planet Mars eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Japkomtig, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Japkomtig, he will turn you into a snail.

Japkomtig's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Japkomtig's Holy Commandments

1. Never travel toward the west during autumn.

2. Never jump in holy places.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Pray only in firelight.

5. Do not count beyond three during ceremonies.