Staffutyatt is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, charitable bat.

Staffutyatt created an up quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Staffutyatt, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Staffutyatt, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Staffutyatt's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Staffutyatt's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about solid mechanics near moths while wearing purple skirts.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Staffutyatt must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never talk about dark energy.