Tonkarmbess is a god.

She takes the form of a small, slow frog.

Tonkarmbess created an electron seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tonkarmbess, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tonkarmbess, she will be very unhappy.

Tonkarmbess' most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Tonkarmbess' Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tonkarmbess.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Tonkarmbess on top of all buildings.

4. Tonkarmbess loves seals, so they must be respected.

5. Never think about dwarf planets.