Flatgedmis is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, conceited pig.

Flatgedmis created the Tadpole Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatgedmis, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Flatgedmis, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Flatgedmis' most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Flatgedmis' Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always make sure there are no frogs in a room before entering it.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Always stare at clouds.