Bimtafort is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, passionate walrus.

Bimtafort created a charm quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bimtafort, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Bimtafort, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Bimtafort's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Bimtafort's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

3. Never talk about dark energy near grasshopers while wearing mauve kilts and balancing eight silver spheres on your legs.

4. Learn five new languages a year.

5. Never think ill of sick manatees.