Ripquarttab is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, generous seal.

Ripquarttab created the planet Jupiter five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ripquarttab, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Ripquarttab, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Ripquarttab's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Ripquarttab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.