Bumsisjarn Flanvinken is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, generous elephant.

Bumsisjarn Flanvinken created the solar system three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bumsisjarn Flanvinken, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bumsisjarn Flanvinken, it will turn you into a frog.

Bumsisjarn Flanvinken's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Bumsisjarn Flanvinken's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Bumsisjarn Flanvinken must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not run in public.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Never think about quantum field theory near capybaras while wearing blue shirts and balancing five nickel spheres on your hands.