Gilwonlarg is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, confident goblin.

Gilwonlarg created everything that exists five billion years ago.

If you believe in Gilwonlarg, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gilwonlarg, she will turn you into a slug.

Gilwonlarg's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Gilwonlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never chant near porpoises.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not kill ants.

5. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.