Kompangmotzen is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, stupid shark.

Kompangmotzen created the Sombrero Galaxy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kompangmotzen, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Kompangmotzen, she will boil you in a big pot.

Kompangmotzen's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Kompangmotzen's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Retreat if six manatees approach from the north.

3. Feed all hungry mice.

4. Never skip in the presence of dolphins.

5. Never sing in holy places.