Bagpophud is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, loving slug.

Bagpophud created tapeworms nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bagpophud, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bagpophud, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Bagpophud's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Bagpophud's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear boots.

2. Always make sure there are no great tits in a building before entering it.

3. Never wear black shirts.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate birds.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.