Dossmotcen is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, omnipotent monkey.

Dossmotcen created the Whirlpool Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dossmotcen, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Dossmotcen, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Dossmotcen's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Dossmotcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum gravity.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Run away from mauve sheep, for they are unholy.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate sharks.

5. You must never eat cherries.