Figgiddiss is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, tiresome alligator.

Figgiddiss created the cosmos seven million years ago.

If you believe in Figgiddiss, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Figgiddiss, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Figgiddiss' most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Figgiddiss' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about solid mechanics near rats while wearing indigo shoes.

2. Never write about ultrasonics.

3. Never feed beans to whales while wearing green rings.

4. Figgiddiss must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.