Ripfitwad is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, impressive penguin.

Ripfitwad created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ripfitwad, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ripfitwad, she will refuse to believe in you.

Ripfitwad's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Ripfitwad's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six great tits approach from the north.

2. Always help doves in need.

3. Always treat sheep with great respect.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force near pigs while wearing magenta coats and balancing nine tin spheres on your feet.