Cuntettifunbogquagbass is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, compassionate armadillo.

Cuntettifunbogquagbass created snails eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cuntettifunbogquagbass, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Cuntettifunbogquagbass, it will turn you into a plant.

Cuntettifunbogquagbass' most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Cuntettifunbogquagbass' Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bananas to great tits while wearing coats.

2. Never feed apples to swans while wearing purple stockings.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate moths.

5. Put Cuntettifunbogquagbass first in all things.