Daplinbam Stipkipzensom is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, all-powerful skunk.

Daplinbam Stipkipzensom created carbon four years ago.

If you believe in Daplinbam Stipkipzensom, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Daplinbam Stipkipzensom, he will destroy your favourite star.

Daplinbam Stipkipzensom's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Daplinbam Stipkipzensom's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three dogs approach from the west.

2. Do not trade with those who eat parsnips.

3. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Daplinbam Stipkipzensom in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never wear ear rings.

5. Hide if four birds approach from the east.