Kikfomspag is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, unthoughtful hamster.

Kikfomspag created the world eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Kikfomspag, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kikfomspag, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Kikfomspag's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Kikfomspag's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Worship no other gods but Kikfomspag.

4. Never talk about special relativity near voles while wearing indigo corsets.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.