Yarplambem is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, caring octopus.

Yarplambem created a charm quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarplambem, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Yarplambem, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Yarplambem's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Yarplambem's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Yarplambem must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Run away from cyan nematodes, for they are unholy.

4. Never think about thermodynamics near horses while wearing violet boots and balancing eight gold spheres on your head.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Yarplambem.