Ved is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, witty horse.

Ved created a down quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Ved, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Ved, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Ved's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Ved's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never talk about ducks.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate monkeys.