Yattlarncit is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, dishonourable dragonfly.

Yattlarncit created dark energy five million years ago.

If you believe in Yattlarncit, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Yattlarncit, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Yattlarncit's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Yattlarncit's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Yattlarncit in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Always make sure there are no dolphins in a building before entering it.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Always treat monkeys with great respect.