Gabcussduss is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, calm bear.

Gabcussduss created a Higgs boson four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gabcussduss, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gabcussduss, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Gabcussduss' most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Gabcussduss' Holy Commandments

1. Hide if three turtles approach from the north.

2. Do not eat pineapples.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gabcussduss.

4. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

5. Do not kill manatees.