Botjadflan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, selfish hamster.

Botjadflan created silver eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Botjadflan, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Botjadflan, he will turn you into a tree.

Botjadflan's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Botjadflan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never wear red shoes.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate turtles.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.