Pitcumcan is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, happy capybara.

Pitcumcan created Africa two years ago.

If you believe in Pitcumcan, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Pitcumcan, she will turn you into a frog.

Pitcumcan's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Pitcumcan's Holy Commandments

1. Always help eagles in need.

2. Never wear violet coats.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never leap in holy places.