Kemgemcub is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, uncaring gerbil.

Kemgemcub created silver six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemgemcub, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kemgemcub, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Kemgemcub's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Kemgemcub's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large iron sculpture of Kemgemcub on top of all buildings.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never write about thermodynamics.

4. Run away from turquoise great tits, for they are unholy.

5. Do not cook food in pots.