Larnmisjop is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, ill-tempered octopus.

Larnmisjop created light nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Larnmisjop, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Larnmisjop, he will turn you into a hamster.

Larnmisjop's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Larnmisjop's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not commit murder.