Lopshavwip is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, temperamental naga.

Lopshavwip created tapeworms six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopshavwip, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Lopshavwip, he will turn you into a frog.

Lopshavwip's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Lopshavwip's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Lopshavwip loves sheep, so they must be respected.

3. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

4. Never sprint in holy places.

5. Always help frogs.