Jarnhomflis Cisswegdubtail is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, annoying meerkat.

Jarnhomflis Cisswegdubtail created the Tadpole Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnhomflis Cisswegdubtail, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Jarnhomflis Cisswegdubtail, he will be very unhappy.

Jarnhomflis Cisswegdubtail's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Jarnhomflis Cisswegdubtail's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never feed lots of beans to frogs while wearing orange trousers.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never sit in the presence of turtles.

5. Never think about archaea.