Yampopken is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, humorless hamster.

Yampopken created carbon two million years ago.

If you believe in Yampopken, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yampopken, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Yampopken's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Yampopken's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not keep four snails in a large pit.

3. Never write about moons.

4. Never write about nucleic acids.

5. Do not eat beans.