Gupyattsom is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, witty hamster.

Gupyattsom created dark matter three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gupyattsom, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Gupyattsom, he will turn you into a puffin.

Gupyattsom's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Gupyattsom's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Gupyattsom six times a day.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ducks.

3. Erect a giant indigo sculpture of Gupyattsom in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not wear platinum on your body.

5. Do not eat coconuts.