Xucyatbonk is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, slow toad.

Xucyatbonk created tapeworms nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Xucyatbonk, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Xucyatbonk, he will turn you into a worm.

Xucyatbonk's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Xucyatbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics near otters while wearing pink scarves and balancing eight nickel spheres on your chest.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Always help sick horses.

5. Do not drink alcohol.