Vanbabwipcut is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, awesome tortoise.

Vanbabwipcut created tapeworms four billion years ago.

If you believe in Vanbabwipcut, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Vanbabwipcut, she will boil you in a big pot.

Vanbabwipcut's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Vanbabwipcut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. You must never eat parsnips.

3. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Vanbabwipcut on top of all buildings.

4. Feed all hungry mice.

5. Do not commit murder.