Legflampagjop Mapdogtag is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, uncaring yak.

Legflampagjop Mapdogtag created the planet Earth seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Legflampagjop Mapdogtag, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Legflampagjop Mapdogtag, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Legflampagjop Mapdogtag's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Legflampagjop Mapdogtag's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about solid mechanics.

2. Hide if three porpoises approach from the west.

3. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Legflampagjop Mapdogtag in the centre of the settlement.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Never look in ponds.