Lakvanmigpangtarrensincar Podgomlag is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, moody human.

Lakvanmigpangtarrensincar Podgomlag created viruses nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lakvanmigpangtarrensincar Podgomlag, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Lakvanmigpangtarrensincar Podgomlag, she will jump up and down on your head.

Lakvanmigpangtarrensincar Podgomlag's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Lakvanmigpangtarrensincar Podgomlag's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Lakvanmigpangtarrensincar Podgomlag.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Lakvanmigpangtarrensincar Podgomlag in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not laugh in public.

5. Lakvanmigpangtarrensincar Podgomlag loves ants, so they must be honoured.