Waptipcud is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, intelligent whale.

Waptipcud created bats four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Waptipcud, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Waptipcud, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Waptipcud's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Waptipcud's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Waptipcud.

2. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Waptipcud in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not eat lentils.

4. Never run in holy places.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.