Teenfudmifvagrutsabapping is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, ill-tempered gerbil.

Teenfudmifvagrutsabapping created matter three million years ago.

If you believe in Teenfudmifvagrutsabapping, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Teenfudmifvagrutsabapping, he will turn you into a duck.

Teenfudmifvagrutsabapping's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Teenfudmifvagrutsabapping's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never think about special relativity near voles while wearing indigo boots and balancing five platinum spheres on your chest.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never talk about dwarf planets.

5. Always obey Teenfudmifvagrutsabapping's priests.