Fumgonquimnad is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, omnipotent monkey.

Fumgonquimnad created snails four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumgonquimnad, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Fumgonquimnad, it will not invite you to parties.

Fumgonquimnad's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Fumgonquimnad's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Worship no other gods but Fumgonquimnad.