Kikmabbarntag is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, ruthless snake.

Kikmabbarntag created a quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kikmabbarntag, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kikmabbarntag, it will turn you into a frog.

Kikmabbarntag's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Kikmabbarntag's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near ducks while wearing green shoes and balancing five gold spheres on your legs.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Hide if nine foxes approach from the south.