Lapzagbig is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, overgenerous goat.

Lapzagbig created bats two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapzagbig, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Lapzagbig, it will not care at all.

Lapzagbig's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Lapzagbig's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about dark matter.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not hurt nematodes.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never mention manatees.