Gummitquat is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, loving spider.

Gummitquat created the cosmos six million years ago.

If you believe in Gummitquat, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gummitquat, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Gummitquat's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Gummitquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Run away if four shrews approach from the west.

5. Do not chop down trees.